The 19th Amendment Womens Emporium (WE)

Honor Your Mothers

Lots of planning and preparation went into this year's celebration on August 16th of the ratification of the 19th Amendment right here in the Susan B. Anthony Historical District ... and it was worth it!

Thirty-seven, vendors took their time to celebrate the woman's right to vote AND to honor the Haudenosaunee for offering suffragists real-life examples of women in leadership and an existing example of democracy.

That's what these women do.  Honor those who came before them.

There was a number of mother/daughter teams vending; what an inspirational sight!  One daughter had her mother's picture to show the motivation behind her beautiful macrame plant hangers and shelves; she is raising money for her mother's knee surgery in Afghanistan.  

It occurred to me that those who come to support the vendors need to be family members as well as customers.  ALL family members should support the creativity, drive, motivation, courage and vision of their moms, sisters, daughters, etc.

Although the shadow of the unratified Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) does take away some of the joy of seeing women connecting and selling their products.  It makes me realize how scared those good ole boys are of us.  

But we can't hate them.  They're in a spiritual vacuum; in the bigger picture, that shallowness is actually a very lonely and distrusting place.  We have to counteract their hate and dismissiveness, with the love they so dearly need.  We have to be loving.  We have to help each other be loving and support each other when it's really hard.

And don't forget that Tough Love and Boundaries are part of the package.  We will stand up for ourselves, with integrity and with honor, but also with love.  

I'm Still Here

So this is a good sign.  I was actually looking forward to writing.  I don't think I've ever felt this self-accepting and confident in myself.  Here are the highlights of today and one from last night:

Jeremy is up in Rochester for a family gathering.  The gathering was supposed to be an outdoor picnic at one of our neice's house, but we had significant rain and winds - even a tornado threat.  Jeremy and I started the morning by having coffee with our neighbors across the hall.  

Just a little segway here:  I have always been the one who has to work or follow through on a community commitment, thereby leaving Dennis to do the entertaining.  But things with Dennis are different now.  Dennis has gotten very involved in Al-Anon, and he had a couple of commitments, so I was able to be the chauffeur. 

The Dralle's would have been VERY disappointed if Jeremy hadn't come over.  They really love him and that's a good feeling.  It was a great start to the day.

From there, we went to Kailee's Garden on Kenwood & Kirkland, where I have many Jeremy-connected transplants.  When he left for Florida, I went to his house and took the sunflower seeds he had (his favorite flower).  I also dug up a daisy bush from his yard.  That original daisy bush has since been split several times, and it is now represented at many places, including my daughter Rachel's, my neighbor's, and more in the garden, because they can replicate like rabbits.

One of the reasons we went to the garden was to see Wayne.  Wayne comes to the garden almost every day, takes pictures (he went to school for photography), relaxes on the bench, and just chills.  Once a week, he takes a picture of something in the garden that stands out to him and sends it to his family. I enjoyed talking with him and, through our talks, learned that he knew Jeremy; they played in the Nate Rawls band together!  Too cool!  

The sunflowers are hysterical.  For a couple of years, they were a spectacular attraction, creating a tall wall on the south fence like non-scary garden guards.  Since then, they, too, have shown up all over the garden in places we definitely didn't plant them; it is SO cool to see them popping up unexpectedly.  Makes my heart smile just picturing them.  It makes my heart giggle to think of all the birds who eat the seeds and then poop them around the garden.

We then went to a Block Party on Chili Ave, but it had been canceled because of the ominous weather, so we headed to the public market.  We had breakfast as it started to pour and lightning flashed, and then stopped to see two vendors who know and love Jeremy.  Then we purchased two watermelons and headed home.

I lent Jeremy the car, and he went to visit two longtime friends.

Dennis and I ended up relaxing at home...a good day all around.  Old people love that.

One very welcome overnight awareness:   I am experiencing a significant drop in cravings around flour and sugar.  It has not been very difficult to stay away from foods that don't really serve me well.  Something is different in my awareness of how vital my body is in pursuing my calling - to Channel Peace.  Mind, BODY, and Soul.  What I hunger for is building my Spirit Life and fulfilling my calling.  I remember envisioning that my Spirit would be the nourishment that I longed for.   For now, I'm going with that. - cuz I am FULL!  Peace:)

Building Trust

That title is actually supposed to be a joke.  My struggles staying current on this blog result in my saying I'm going to mend my ways....and then I don't.  Not a good trust builder.  But something has changed - really!  

In December, exactly 50 years ago, I had a severe car accident.  We (my sister Vivian and my very good friend Cheri) were t-boned.  The sun was in the guy's eyes.  I went there to check that out, and it is very likely the sun was in his eyes (that's a little funny).

Anyhow, I broke 15 bones and collapsed a lung.  I was supposed to die, but I didn't.  I don't know why I like saying that.  Maybe it's because it wasn't my first brush with death, and I was thinking how ironic it is that I'm still here.  I don't question why I'm here anymore.

My father's minister was called in (I have no recollection) and reported back to my father that "She's going to be just fine; she's in there fighting like a Green Bay Backer."  I don't need no stinkin' last rites 😇

Turns out, I was fighting the nurses, and they couldn't give me an intravenous in my arms, so they used my ankles and strapped my arms and legs down.  Now, as a victim of sexual abuse, that's not helpful.  Looking back, I understand my rage.

So the point of all this is:  My family was amazingly supportive as I had to move out of my apartment while they doted on me.  After a few weeks - I think - my memory around the accident has gaps - I was standing in church, looking out the window and asking God why He (I was Presbyterian at the time) wouldn't let me die?  And I had an overwhelming sense that God had something He needed me to do.  So I started my healing process in January of 1976.

I began to feel a sense of worthiness and value that had eluded me all my life.  And within a few months, I was carrying myself differently.  And that's when Dennis and I met, and I captured him using sexual advances - it was magical.  Dennis and I would write letters to each other for a few months.  He would put Black Tie on his envelopes because I loved the smell of it on him; I would be so excited to go to the post office.  I moved to Rochester in the summer...and the rest is history. 

So that was 50 years ago.  I'm 71 years old.  This has been an awesome year of finding out who I am, why I'm here, and what I need to adjust to take on my Calling.  

My Calling is to Channel Peace.  To do that, I have to BE at Peace.  It's actually very nice for me to commit time to making sure I'm right with my Spirit before I greet the world.  Win-win.

So that's all for now.  Nice chatting with you.

Changing Patterns

The pattern I'd like to change is the one where I get all this energy, excitement and commitment around taking action on something that moves my heart ... and then it fizzles. What is up with that!?? I get lots of things done, really!  I'm considered pretty competent, driven, resourceful and capable by my peers and friends.  What happens between the excitement and passion around writing a new blog and the gap that follows before the next one?

I can't keep waiting for a parent-figure to step in and nudge me or send me a reminder that my musing is overdue.  Time to put on the big girl pants and step into my writings with the passion that is constantly bubbling just under the surface.  And the time seems right.  

So many things are going well in my life ... blessings beyond measure.  My husband and I are moving to a larger apartment WITH A BALCONY!  We've loved the apartment experience at our current location and are so excited to be spending this holiday season going through our things - once again - and sorting out what stays, what goes, what we can gift to others, etc.

Our children are spectacular.  Really, they are.  Very good-hearted and coming into their own beings.  Loving.  Very loving.  We've had a significant death in the family and watching the cousins all band together and now connect in support of each other is so heart-warming.

And need I say anything about my exceptionally awesome grandson?  Of course I do!  He changed schools at the beginning of the school year and managed the adjustment so smoothly.  He's a hugger - such warm and loving hugs.  A great sense of humor and an affinity for Old Spice fragrances - LOL.

I LOVE my job - teaching English to refugees and immigrants at OACES.  My students are from all over the world and so interesting.  They're also incredibly respectful of teachers. They call me, "Teacher."  I get to be creative and the learning is definitely a mutual thing.

My organization, ProsperRochester, Inc. has been rebranding itself and a new, involved Board of Directors is pumping life into our direction and capacity.  We are all volunteers and do not tie ourselves to a "bricks and mortar" location, which keeps our expenses at minimum.  We take advantage of the MANY places and resources in the area that are available to all citizens for meetings, gatherings, events, etc. that keep our programming moving forward.  Our passion is respectfully supporting the passion of others by connecting people with resources.

Lastly, I'm not going to tell you about what's been troubling me as of late.  I'm not going to tell you today because I want to commit to coming back within the next couple of days and sharing the challenge I've been having as of late ... a longstanding challenge.  I'll describe it, let you know what I've been doing about it and share the frustration of feeling like I'm back at square one.  Maybe talking about it this way will help me move through it and beyond it. Oh yes, I WILL get beyond it.  I'm sure of that.  And, should any doubt try to sneak in there, I can look back at my constant flow of blessings as a testament that the Big Guy has my back.  Frankly, He's crazy about me :)

Someone Moved the Boxes!

Yes, I know I have not done a good job of regularly blogging. I'm hoping that my new business partner, who is a social media maniac, will inspire me to be more consistent as he puts our organization, ProsperRochester, on the media map.

Now, about the boxes.

I have this straight line of boxes in my head.  Some are filled, some are partially filled, some are almost empty.  They aren't fancy boxes, just clean cardboard boxes.  Each one represents a person or a part my life that I've comfortably compartmentalized and organized logically so that I can manage them.

But the other day, Lo and Behold, someone kicked the damn boxes spilling contents everywhere!  Some of the stuff in one box mixed with the stuff in another box - what a mess!  

I stood there, hands on hips, looking at the boxes and it occurred to me that the people and the things in my life don't belong in boxes.  They do not need to be controlled or "managed."  A little order is useful, but too much order is constricting and fosters inflexibility.  I'm feeling just a little bit excited (and a little nervous) about revisiting the boxes and consciously beginning to empty them, deciding what goes where and whether or not they need to be in boxes at all.

I'll keep you posted.

Get Your Foot Off the Hose!!!

I'm blessed to be surrounded by many earthly beings who offer me books, readings, antecdotes, conversations, and other spiritual support that has been guiding my growth over so many years.

I'm always grateful for visits to my mom when my sister and I travel for 6 hours to visit my other sister and then pick up mom for a "girls' gathering."  The trip is a time for gabbing and catching up, even though my Rochester sister and I are in a women's circle together once week anyway.  We love talking about where we are spiritually and what growth step we're currently engaging in or struggling with.  And we listen to murder mysteries on tape (just so you don't think it's all one big spiritual love-fest).

I'm an extremely visual person; I really think in pictures.  It's a drawback at times when people share information and I can't make the pictures fast enough in my head.  It frustrates the information giver; and it frustrates me because I feel as though I'm a tad "slow."

On this trip, I talked with my sister about a cute little picture I read in one of the books a good friend has shared with me called "Power Through Constructive Thinking" by Emmet Fox.  It talks about a father who is gardening with his daughter (that, alone, is a pretty cool metaphor).  His daughter has gotten excited about using the hose to water the plants.  At some point, the water abrubtly stops and she becomes frustrated and yells for her father's help.  He points out to her that her foot is on the hose, stopping the flow of water.  She steps off and the water flows freely again.  At some point in the afternoon, the same thing happens and Dad has to remind his daughter to get her other foot off the hose so the water can run freely.  

The point being that God's blessings and gifts are like the water flowing from the hose - freely, abundantly, without hesitation - until I step onto the hose.  What does that stepping represent - my doubt, my fears, my insecurity, my distrust, my lack of faith ...  

My sister was cool by adding to the picture words to go with the water coming out of the hose:  abundance, grace, blessings, faith, hope, safety, love, acceptance, all the power I will every need, etc.  I drew a picture of the hose and shot the water up into the air so it's falling all over me.  Hmmmmmmm.  Feel's good.

Just for today, I am becoming very mindful of when I put my foot on the hose and stop the flow.  I plan to do the same tomorrow.

Who Owns the Fence?

I attend a very special meeting every Sunday and am surrounded by love.  Unconditional love.  Accepting love.  Encouraging love.  Just lots of love.  And I leave that meeting every Sunday with new puzzle pieces that put me back together.

Today's puzzle piece came from someone with just two months of sobriety under his belt.   Here's how I integrated his story:

I'm sitting on the fence.  God is on one side of the fence, inviting me over.  I'm interested; a little doubtful about what it means to "join" that side.  On the other side of the fence is the Devil, luring me with things I like, easy ways out, numbness from the pain of reality, illusion.  I shift my gaze from one side to the other.

God calls to me.  I want to go but I worry about the pain of facing truth over there and sitting on the fence feels a little more comfortable at the moment.

The Devil calls to me - asks me what I'm going to do.  I tell him I plan on sitting on the fence just a little longer till I make my decision.  And he says, "I own the fence."

I believe it's time to jump ship - fast.  Answer God's call - NOW.  No more fence sitting.

I Own the Shackles

It has become ultra clear to me that I am the creator and the designer of the immensely heavy shackles I have been wearing on my ankles that have kept me from flying free.  I have been weighed down, locked in place, afraid to move.  Now these are not the type of shackles that stop all movement.  In fact, the fear and terror associated with thinking about the shackles creates an opposite reaction - flightiness, constant avoidant busy-ness, and an inability to "grow roots."   All of these behaviors do not serve me well.

And it occured to me that I can just "step out of" the shackles - I mean, their mine, right?  What a surprise to find out that it was only my mind that kept me in these chains.  No key necessary.  Just a willingness to take the step away from this very familiar place.

God has given me many hints along the way.  I visited Mandela's prison in South Africa in 2006 and took a lot of pictures.  Twenty-seven years of being trapped in a small space, abused, disenfranchised, dismissed, dishonored...undeservedly.

Today, I have several friends who were once incarcerated, some for as many as 30 years.  A real, physical prison.  And they teach me so much.  Like when you step out of the shackles, have a transition plan.  Surround yourself with a circle of friends who have your back and are experienced with stepping away from "prison" and into freedom.  It's very scary.  It's the unknown.  So, on this day of stepping out of my own shackles,  I'm going to walk around with my trusted friends for a bit before I take off and fly, as I was designed to do.

Thy Rod & Thy Staff...Can Beat the Crap Out of You

I spent a lot of time integrating the vision of the Shepherd lovingly "guiding" me toward the safety of "the flock."  Really good feeling.  And while I was hanging out with the flock, I was visited by the vision of being trapped in a locked bathroom by a perpetrator who left me with a wide array of feelings that appear to be cellular:  terror, betrayal, distrust, hopelessness, rage, defeat.  And I so want to disconnect from those senses.  I guess recognizing them is the first step.  Their existence is like having thick, heavy manacles attached to my ankles.  Unable to fly.  Stuck.  Afraid.  I'm grateful for the flock for letting me share these remembrances and having compassion for my struggle with them.

And I wonder if, once the manacles have been removed (and I KNOW that they will), will I even know how to fly?

So, I'm peeking out of the flock and it occurs to me that the Shepherd's rod and staff also have another purpose.  And as "the wolf" appears, I see the Shepherd raise his rod and staff and beat the living crap out of the wolf, who has no business being anywhere near His precious flock, and scampers away, tail between his legs, never to return again.  Because the Shepherd's got my back.  Okay, maybe that's not how it goes, but it sure is helping me heal.  So let me have that vision for a while.

Thy Rod and Thy Staff...Comforting

I've had some painful awarenesses and revelations in the last month.  Lots of rage, lots of weeping, periods of despondency, and, thank God, hope.  I've spent all of my life running from these feelings - keeping too busy and indulging in addictive behaviors have been the primary coping mechanisms.  And as I remove all of these shields (that have seemed necessary), I am left with ... me.  Raw, vulnerable, questioning, alone - very alone, despite being surrounded by many.  And the following picture came into my head:

There's this Shepherd with a rod and a staff, kind of nudging me away from the aloneness, the emptiness, and moving me gently toward this flock of warm and fuzzy sheep.  The Shepherd experience has revealed to me two things in particular:

(1)  I have sorely needed the discipline that has been my life over the past year as I removed flour and sugar from my diet (eliminating yet another item on my list of addictive behaviors).  It's taken A LOT of discipline.  But the discipline has come to be comforting as opposed to controlling or punishing.  It identifies the boundaries for me (boundaries have NEVER been something with which I've been familiar) and makes more clear where to be, and where not to be.

(2) Being "inside" the flock is very different than being "around" the flock or "near" the flock.  It's actually safe inside the flock.  Supportive.  An opportunity to "chill" instead of being so gosh darn "busy" all the time.   Flocks rock!

And the flock is where I've needed to be during this little return trip to hell.  I don't have my "drugs" to numb the feelings, obliterate the crappy thinking, stop the cellular hurricanes.  And as one of my sheep reminds me, "The only way to get through hell is to keep on walking."

Movin' On Up

Well, it's been quite some time - four years to be exact, almost to the day.  A lot has happened in those four years (I guess it would be a little sad if nothing had changed).  Actually, my world has changed quite a bit in the last four years, the most significant of which is that I was laid off one year ago from a job at which I worked for 17 1/2 - again, almost to the day.  So my birthday is in February, I stopped blogging four years ago in February, and I got laid off in February.  Hmmmmm.  Data to ponder..

I was laid off at 2:30 in the afternoon on February 8, 2013 on the day of a snow blizzard.  Because they were shutting down the building over the weekend, I was also unable to pack up and bring home  the vast amount of materials, belongings, personal items, awards, equipment, blah blah blah, I had accumulated over those many years, starting at the home office on Jefferson Avenue.  My most prominent thought at the time was, "How the heck am I going to get all this crap home?"

The following day, I called a good friend, Barbara Hoffman, to find out if she might be aware of any storefronts my partners and I (Debbie Bridge & Lisa Barker) might access in order to continue our passion around urban agriculture.  She insisted that I come down - TODAY!  And I did.  She offered us the storefront at 540 W. Main - just like that.  I looked at my watch when she offered me the store; 24 hrs had not yet passed since the lay-off.  I am blown away by the irony of starting a blog about that beautiful, historic "Let's Have Tea" statue in the Susan B. Anthony Square Park four years ago and now having a partnership that is responsible for The Seedfolk Store just a block away from that very statue - just an alley away, really.  Life is so funny.

I have LOTS more to say.  But I'm going to give it to you in little pieces.  Be well.

I'm Innocent

I'm part of a women's empowerment and support network called, Woman Within.  My initial connection with them resulted in my "claiming" my innocence because I was unable to "reclaim" it; I could not remember ever feeling "innocent."  It's taken lots of years and a variety of experiences - light and dark - and I must admit, I was wrong.

I was born innocent.  There was a Light.  It was never extinguished.  Just hidden.  Remember that song, "This Little Light of Mine?"  I sang it to my kids, I sing it to my grandson, and, now, I sing it to me.

Today is definitely my best day ever.

Commitment Issues

I love looking at the Susan B. / Frederick Douglass statue. There's something strong and gentle happening at the same time. It reminds me of the work our women's circle does on expressing feelings. One can be irritated and optimistic at the same time. That's fitting for me as I claim not to have an "inner child," but an "inner city." Lotsa folks in there chattering away with all kinds of thoughts and opinions.

Trying to figure out why I can be so passionate about writing one minute and then abandon it the next. There's a sense of release and comfort that comes from typing out my thoughts. All that busy-ness from inside my head onto the page where it takes on some order. Maybe trying to figure it out is just another way to avoid being.

What's so scary about being? Maybe I should try the statue thing; just sit still and not move. Don't respond. Just absorb the weather. I'm going to give this blog another shot. For my inner city. Maybe we can establish a little order.

If You Spot It, You Got It

There's this "rule" I've come to rely on that, when I first learned about it, really bummed me out. It says that, what I see in others is really in me. So all those resentments and judgments I have about others is really just an indicator of what needs to be healed within me. The good news is that if you are able to spot something positive or attractive in others, you've got it too!

So when I'm sitting back and judging you for rolling your eyes or showing disdain, I need to ask myself, "Where in my life am I impatient or intolerant?" I've come to realize that if I can look at the situation as a tool for identifying the traits I have that need to be addressed, it reduces the animosity I have toward you because you were actually an "awareness gift." I may not like the size of the gift, or the wrapping, but it is a gift nonetheless.

I think of it as my body having emotional "buttons" that people are able to just walk by and press; the result is always me "exploding." Now, if I just roll my eyes, it's a small button. If I want to smack you in the kneecaps with a bat, that would be a big button. However, they are all buttons in need of removing. I don't want to go through life giving you so much power over me. I've removed some buttons and it feels good to just let you be you and me be me.

I thought about all this because I was thinking of having tea with my "enemies." But when all is said and done, if the people I think are my enemies are really disguised gifts who bring me to a higher level of self awareness and peace, are they really "enemies?"

Soul Connections by Judith Pauly

Another highlight of my San Diego trip last week was being able to sit with Judith Pauly, a leader in the Woman Within International community, for a "Soul Connection" process. Judith created the "Soul Connection" process to help men and women reach a higher ground and experience a new level in forgiveness. Judith believes that forgiveness is the key to freedom (she'll be here at the end of July to offer a workshop called "It's All About the 'F' Words; Moving from Fear to Faith to Forgiveness to Freedom"). I know I'll be there!

What I like is that she's really funny. Hey, if you're going to have to talk about depressing things like abuse, abandonment, trauma, etc., shouldn't there be some room for a big belly laugh?!

I always thought I had forgiven those in my life who were connected to the things in my life I would rather had not happened to me. The time with Judith gently revealed to me resentments I still held and the fears connected to those resentments. More importantly, I was given an opportunity to transform those fears into useful tools for walking through life with confidence and faith.

So what does this have to do with Susan B. and Frederick Douglass? Well, I regularly find myself in a place of being a White woman in a primarily Black environment. My husband is Black; my kids and my grandson are mixed; since leaving my parents' home, I have always worked for an agency connected to minorities and inequality; in New Jersey as part of the Somerset Youth Federation; in Rochester as James McCuller's secretary at Action for a Better Community, Inc.; and today as a Director of Youth and Family Services at SWAN (SouthWest Area Neighborhood Association, Inc.) where I have been for over 10 years. I'm guessing that, especially in the 1800's, it wasn't always a very easy place for a White woman and a Black man to get together to share their thoughts, ambitions and visions.

It's sad that even centuries later, there are still resentments and suspicion surrounding Black/White relationships (even merely social or business relationships). I am finding that it takes a lot of personal excavation, self awareness, and support to walk in integrity and forgiveness when the path gets bumpy. I'm glad I have strong women like Judith in my life; and I'm glad there's a larger-than-life statue in my neighborhood that promotes and celebrates the relationship of a powerful White woman and a powerful Black man and their life-changing contributions to the human race.

(Note: For more info on Judith Pauly, go to www.paulysoulstuff.com.)

10 Empowered Girls in San Diego

What a great week I had! Just the weather alone (balmy low 70's) would make a trip to San Diego a complete vacation, leaving behind the chilly teens of Rochester (I'm talking temperature, of course.) But there was so much more!!

One major highlight was watching 10 young girls transform false beliefs about themselves into positive identity statements. The weekend-long process is full and rich with ritual, journaling, yoga, meditation, affirmation and celebration.

During the celebration, many of the girls "tattooed" themselves with the positive statements they had retrieved for themselves during their work (it was henna, so those messages will be visible for a couple of weeks).

Today, in San Diego, the girls will be honored and celebrated as "Empowered Girls" who now become part of a circle of other girls in San Diego who have shared this same weekend experience.

What I like about EGA (Empowered Girl Alliance) is that empowerment is taken seriously. Generally, the staff to participant ratio is a minimum of 2 staff to 1 participant; in San Diego, it was 3 to 1. Of those thirty staff members, seven were Empowered Girls (EG's); two of them were from the Rochester area. As a Team Leader, I have seen the difference between a weekend without Empowered Girls (the very first weekend) and a weekend with EG's. The difference is striking. The energy is different. The new participants have a sense of comfort knowing that there are girls present, alongside of women, who have participated in the weekend.

The trip to San Diego was extended beyond the weekend because EGA has established a Board of Directors that has representatives from across the United States who are helping to define EGA, its mission, how it can be made available to more young girls, etc. The two EG's from the Rochester area were part of the Board meeting and other discussions around EGA. Their input is valued. Changes have been made to the weekend based on their input.

I think Susan B. would be pleased with the direction in which our young girls are headed. I feel a sense of pride living in the same area that such an icon of women's empowerment lived and fought for women's rights. And I'm excited about extending that energy all over the country!

Empowered Girl Alliance (EGA

I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a flight to San Diego where several of us are on our way to the second EGA weekend for 16 girls who will be stepping into a new awareness about themselves and all the beauty and power within. How can I not think about Susan B. Anthony?

What I like about EGA is its follow through on the "intention" to honor and support girls. Two of our traveling team are girls who have done the EGA weekend; they will be helping us staff, along with a couple of last year's San Diego EG's. The last August weekend in Rochester had several of the EG's who had done the previous August weekend and it was a very rich experience. As a member of the leadership staff, I was enamored with the impact the EG's had on the new girls experiencing the weekend. At one point, an adult tried to encourage one of the girls to join in on one of the activities and was quickly brushed off. Less than one minute later, an EG swooped by and pulled the girl in with an ease of connection that only they could have. It still makes me smile.

I note this because I've come to learn how important follow through is in building relationships. The EG's who experience the weekend are each supported by a mentor who communicates with them regularly. Once a month, all EG's and their mentors get together for a large group activity focused on a variety of personal growth topics and issues. During this group, mentors and EG's split up for part of the time so the EG's can further connect and bond, at the same time that the mentors can connect, problem-solve, relate, etc.

EG's write questions on a slip of paper and put them in a box to preserve anonymity. Questions are pulled out and both EG's and mentors respond.

So I'm feeling pretty good about where I'm going, both today and in my life.

Susan B. and Me

As I was reading the history of Susan B. Anthony, I was thinking about what we might have in common. That could be for two reasons: (1) I'm pretty self-centered and I tend to relate all data to how it might be impacting me (not a very humble perspective and one I'm working on changing) and (2) it leads to building relationships (much like when people with very different backgrounds come to a support group to address an issue they have in common or when a conflict arises and the opposing perspectives are discussed that then reveal some overlapping feelings or positions).

While some of Susan B.'s attributes I can claim right away (she was white, she was a woman, she built bridges, she had a visions of "what could and should be" and acted on them), some are traits I admire and to which I aspire (she was dogged in her pursuit for justice, she was focused, she was clear on her mission).

Another thing that made me giggle a little was that her birthday, which was a day after Frederick Douglass' birthday, is a day before mine. It made me feel "connected" in a way that others might find dismissible but I like to think of as perhaps "prophetic" and "connecting."

It's all really very interesting as I look back over my life with my husband, Dennis. He has always had a feminist energy about him. He frequently identifies situations where women are being mistreated or unequally/unfairly represented. It always seems to be an "out of the blue" thing and I end up cocking my head quizzically and wondering, "Where the heck did THAT come from?" Contrast that with a wife who walked around in shit-kickers, cursing a lot, and a real "I''ll do it myself" attitude. We have always sensed that we both carry a strong energy of the opposite sex within us. Maybe that's why we work so well together. A good Yin/Yang balance.

I like the sense that everything happens at the right time. Knowing Pepsy through his extensive artwork in SouthWest Rochester, knowing Delores through her dedicated push for arts in the inner city, becoming involved in the Empowered Girl Alliance , going on an historical SouthWest Riverfront tour with John Curran that culminated at the "Let's Have Tea" sculpture, watching the "Let's Have Tea" video, and then learning about the "Let's Have Tea" Teacher's Resource Guide and seeing how clearly it ties together issues of conflict resolution, race relations, empowerment, the power of artistic expression, and building relationships that is in its own way unique to SouthWest Rochester. And I live here!!! That rocks.

Props to Kuumba Consultants

Okie dokie. I read the whole "Let's Have Tea" Teacher's Resource Guide beginning with the part where Delores Jackson Radney of Kuumba Consultants was the lead in creating this resource guide. That excites me because she's been so active in the city, and our neighborhood, for many years providing a wide variety of artistic venues for the community (she has made the entertainment at the 19th Ward Square Fair - first Saturday in June - a highlight of the fair). It makes sense that she would be instrumental in this piece of art.

So now I know that there is a resource for taking this resource to a new level. I love it when a plan comes together. Now I can spend my time thinking about all of the things I learned reading through the guide and how they relate to my life in SouthWest Rochester over these 30+ years. And when I use some of the lessons, I'll write about them to let folks know what kind of impact they had, or didn't have. 'Cause it's a blog, for crying out loud; it doesn't need to be anything more than my thoughts and experiences.

So, in the interest of not being too long-winded, which I usually am, especially when I'm passionate about something, I will say goodnight and return tomorrow with more of my thoughts and/or experiences with building bridges and honoring opposing viewpoints.

Capitalizing on Rochester's Local History

So I was able to view the video of Pepsy Kettavong's Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass "Let's Have Tea" sculptures and was very moved by the thought and intention that went into this local artistic expression of several very deep themes: women's empowerment, slavery, freedom trail, race relations, and most importantly for me, conflict resolution (coming to the table to talk even during disagreements).

I learned that a "Let's Have Tea" teaching packet was recently sent to all area school principals that, among other things, provides the video and a useful timeline of the history associated with Susan B. and Frederick Douglass. So I said to myself, "Hey, you like resolving conflicts and you like tea - why not capitalize on this local piece of history that represents a national and international beacon for women's rights, voting rights for African-American males, freedom from slavery, advocacy, empowerment, and more?" Maybe we can create an "outdoor, hands-on classroom" to which our youth and area families can relate and connect.

I am continually struck by the many neighborhood residents who have so many talents and bits of history to offer, some right out there and some more hidden. The more we talk to each other, the more we find out about these community assets. We have goldmines in our backyards. Entertaining and fostering conflict just delays us from mining all those riches. So that's the connection for me. Work through the conflicts we have with each other; put all the cards on the table with a cup o' tea ... or coffee ... and get about the business of building and supporting relationships. Things don't matter like people do.