I'm Still Here

So this is a good sign.  I was actually looking forward to writing.  I don't think I've ever felt this self-accepting and confident in myself.  Here are the highlights of today and one from last night:

Jeremy is up in Rochester for a family gathering.  The gathering was supposed to be an outdoor picnic at one of our neice's house, but we had significant rain and winds - even a tornado threat.  Jeremy and I started the morning by having coffee with our neighbors across the hall.  

Just a little segway here:  I have always been the one who has to work or follow through on a community commitment, thereby leaving Dennis to do the entertaining.  But things with Dennis are different now.  Dennis has gotten very involved in Al-Anon, and he had a couple of commitments, so I was able to be the chauffeur. 

The Dralle's would have been VERY disappointed if Jeremy hadn't come over.  They really love him and that's a good feeling.  It was a great start to the day.

From there, we went to Kailee's Garden on Kenwood & Kirkland, where I have many Jeremy-connected transplants.  When he left for Florida, I went to his house and took the sunflower seeds he had (his favorite flower).  I also dug up a daisy bush from his yard.  That original daisy bush has since been split several times, and it is now represented at many places, including my daughter Rachel's, my neighbor's, and more in the garden, because they can replicate like rabbits.

One of the reasons we went to the garden was to see Wayne.  Wayne comes to the garden almost every day, takes pictures (he went to school for photography), relaxes on the bench, and just chills.  Once a week, he takes a picture of something in the garden that stands out to him and sends it to his family. I enjoyed talking with him and, through our talks, learned that he knew Jeremy; they played in the Nate Rawls band together!  Too cool!  

The sunflowers are hysterical.  For a couple of years, they were a spectacular attraction, creating a tall wall on the south fence like non-scary garden guards.  Since then, they, too, have shown up all over the garden in places we definitely didn't plant them; it is SO cool to see them popping up unexpectedly.  Makes my heart smile just picturing them.  It makes my heart giggle to think of all the birds who eat the seeds and then poop them around the garden.

We then went to a Block Party on Chili Ave, but it had been canceled because of the ominous weather, so we headed to the public market.  We had breakfast as it started to pour and lightning flashed, and then stopped to see two vendors who know and love Jeremy.  Then we purchased two watermelons and headed home.

I lent Jeremy the car, and he went to visit two longtime friends.

Dennis and I ended up relaxing at home...a good day all around.  Old people love that.

One very welcome overnight awareness:   I am experiencing a significant drop in cravings around flour and sugar.  It has not been very difficult to stay away from foods that don't really serve me well.  Something is different in my awareness of how vital my body is in pursuing my calling - to Channel Peace.  Mind, BODY, and Soul.  What I hunger for is building my Spirit Life and fulfilling my calling.  I remember envisioning that my Spirit would be the nourishment that I longed for.   For now, I'm going with that. - cuz I am FULL!  Peace:)

Building Trust

That title is actually supposed to be a joke.  My struggles staying current on this blog result in my saying I'm going to mend my ways....and then I don't.  Not a good trust builder.  But something has changed - really!  

In December, exactly 50 years ago, I had a severe car accident.  We (my sister Vivian and my very good friend Cheri) were t-boned.  The sun was in the guy's eyes.  I went there to check that out, and it is very likely the sun was in his eyes (that's a little funny).

Anyhow, I broke 15 bones and collapsed a lung.  I was supposed to die, but I didn't.  I don't know why I like saying that.  Maybe it's because it wasn't my first brush with death, and I was thinking how ironic it is that I'm still here.  I don't question why I'm here anymore.

My father's minister was called in (I have no recollection) and reported back to my father that "She's going to be just fine; she's in there fighting like a Green Bay Backer."  I don't need no stinkin' last rites 😇

Turns out, I was fighting the nurses, and they couldn't give me an intravenous in my arms, so they used my ankles and strapped my arms and legs down.  Now, as a victim of sexual abuse, that's not helpful.  Looking back, I understand my rage.

So the point of all this is:  My family was amazingly supportive as I had to move out of my apartment while they doted on me.  After a few weeks - I think - my memory around the accident has gaps - I was standing in church, looking out the window and asking God why He (I was Presbyterian at the time) wouldn't let me die?  And I had an overwhelming sense that God had something He needed me to do.  So I started my healing process in January of 1976.

I began to feel a sense of worthiness and value that had eluded me all my life.  And within a few months, I was carrying myself differently.  And that's when Dennis and I met, and I captured him using sexual advances - it was magical.  Dennis and I would write letters to each other for a few months.  He would put Black Tie on his envelopes because I loved the smell of it on him; I would be so excited to go to the post office.  I moved to Rochester in the summer...and the rest is history. 

So that was 50 years ago.  I'm 71 years old.  This has been an awesome year of finding out who I am, why I'm here, and what I need to adjust to take on my Calling.  

My Calling is to Channel Peace.  To do that, I have to BE at Peace.  It's actually very nice for me to commit time to making sure I'm right with my Spirit before I greet the world.  Win-win.

So that's all for now.  Nice chatting with you.